Vash
by Iris Starwind
Summary: This is a one shot fic I did a while back, and was eventually dubbed into a sound file with voice actors. Although the audio version isn't available at this moment, the written story is. It is a scene of Vash reliving his nightmares, and struggling to pre


She was watching me and I could feel it. Sense it. My nerves tingled and I could feel her dark eyes   
  
studying me, quietly watching my progress... with approval? Most likely with disapproval, but I had  
  
tried, hadn't I? They kept coming, driven with the thirst and desire to finally see him fall, fail. To   
  
finally see me defeated. And I continued to try, as silly as my efforts may have seemed. But...   
  
I couldn't blame all my mistakes on failed attempts.  
  
She was still watching.  
  
I slowly opened my eyes and her presence began to slip away from my senses. It always ended  
  
this way. She never stayed for long, but the memories did. I remembered her scent, it was of  
  
flowers, always of flowers. The same flowers she would handle with loving care and teach us of  
  
with perfect detail.  
  
Damn, I have to get up. Start a new day the same old way.  
  
All this trying got old, but it had to be done.  
  
I ran one rough, calloused hand over my face, blinked and sat up, holding my head as a wave of  
  
nausea took over and forced my body back down. Just how many drinks had I consumed? I thought  
  
I had stopped after three, trying to be the responsible.  
  
Shit!  
  
I sat up again and threw the empty glass on my bedside table across the room and watched as  
  
it shattered into millions of insignificant shards. The effort made my head spin, and I clutched  
  
my forehead, leaning forward, eyes closed and spiky blonde bangs hiding my expression of  
  
pain and anguish.  
  
Would my life always be full of this useless trying?! Would I ever really accomplish anything?  
  
Would any of my endeavors end well, in the way I wish they would? Really, why me? Why   
  
did I try?  
  
It got old.. so very, very old.  
  
((Don't give up, Vash. Never, ever give up. If there's one thing that we all need, it's hope and  
  
the possibility of a new tomorrow, a better tomorrow. Remember that, Vash. If you remember  
  
anything of what I've taught you...))  
  
I've remembered, Rem. How I've remembered. But it seems to be useless! These people...  
  
they don't care! They don't care about how precious one life can be, and they don't listen!  
  
((...remember that.))  
  
I let out a sigh and I thought it sounded like that of an old, tired man. I was starting to feel  
  
sorry for myself. Damn.  
  
I pulled the covers back from my body and forgot the constant flinch at the sight in the pain  
  
of the horrible headache that throbbed in the depths of my skull, and heightened as I placed  
  
my bare feet on the rough wood floor.  
  
I made a mental note to hit Wolfwood, first chance I got. No trying.  
  
I staggered to the nearby dresser and picked up my suit that sat folded on it's worn pine top.  
  
The caked on dust and dirt had vanished along with the smells of blood, sweat, and fear. I made  
  
another mental note to thank Millie, but Nicholas was at the top of the list.   
  
I pulled on the suit, the black fabric fitting itself to me and disguising my hideous past. The scars  
  
were gone as I zipped and buttoned, as if they never were. Trying and hiding and trying again to   
  
forget. An endless cycle.  
  
I stopped as my foot caught one of the loose shards scattered on the floor and then the blood came.  
  
I sat on the bed, pulling up my foot to inspect the wound as I'd done numerous times before, and  
  
pulled the glass out, tossing it to the dresser and pulling on a sock to hide the blood. Millie would  
  
throw a fit.  
  
I froze, staring at the boot in my hand and thought, 'Why? Why should I be getting dressed? What  
  
was the use of me doing anything? All I brought was pain. I should be dead.'  
  
I should be, but I wasn't.  
  
((Nothing that happens to us does not happen without a reason, Vash. We are all brought  
  
into this world with a purpose, even if we are just to make one person happy for one day, one  
  
hour. Every life is worth living, and living to the fullest so we can carry out what we were  
  
destined to do.))  
  
She had seemed to know everything. I believe she did know everything. Everything that was  
  
innocent. Good. Honest.  
  
Lord, how I missed her. How I needed her guidance.  
  
"Don't touch those yet! They have to cool!"  
  
"Hell, Millie! I'm starving! Just one?"  
  
"Sssshh! You'll wake him."  
  
I stood, not wincing at the pressure on my foot, and left the bedroom.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Let me know what ya think! I dunno if I'll continue this as  
  
a story or not, I just wanted to write as Vash one day.  
  
I have such a huge crush on him... hehe! ;) 


End file.
